Poor Kid

It's hard for even me to believe, but I'm almost feeling more sorry for Clay right now.

Brennan continues to mend. The diaper changes are becoming less awful (not good, but less-and-less of an absolute heart-wrenching event). The drugs continue to pay dividends (he's been running around since midday Wednesday while we desperately try to keep him from hurting himself). And he gets attention -- lots of it. Constant snuggling and affection. Kisses, hugs, and affirmation.

Clay, on the other hand, is almost an afterthought. He came back from my folks' midday Wednesday, and it's been nearly constant, "Watch out Clay! Look out for Brennan! Don't hurt Brennan. Give Brennan a hug. Give Brennan that toy." On and on and on.

This afternoon I was putting Clay down for his nap and I realized that I had barely paid him a thought for probably a week (or more). In the run up to the surgery and in its aftermath, Brennan has been the center of my universe and Clay has gotten very short shrift.

So I feel pretty lousy about that. Brennan still needs plenty of love and attention, but I've got to find some way to balance it and make sure Clay is cared for as well. Otherwise, Clay is bound to go off and get himself some sort of serious injury to share in the attention. Trust me, it's in his genes.

So Far, So Good

Thanks to all for your prayers and encouragement -- it's been great.

We've been up since 4AM and just got home about an hour ago, so I'll keep this posting short as I'm hoping we all get a nap soon.

The upshot is that things went very well in both procedures. There was no need for a skin graft (which is good) and the urologist is very optimistic. Of course, we had high hopes last time -- so our optimism is tempered. Ask us in a week and we'll let you know how everything turns out.

In the meantime, we're all home safe-and-sound. We've got a cabinet full of pain killers, antibiotics, anti-spasm and anti-nausea medicine. The goal is to keep him sedated and sleepy while he heals. He's in a fair amount of discomfort right now -- much more accomplished at complaining and describing his "owies" than he was nine months ago. Not fun as a parent -- but this too shall pass.

Not In Control

We had a really nice family evening. Lisa, her folks, my folks, the boys and I all went out for bowling. I'm pleased to announce that (unlike last time) I beat Clay both times.

After dinner, we shipped Clay off with my folks for a night or two and then I headed off to the grocery store to buy a little toy for Brennan for tomorrow to give him something to take his mind off the unpleasantness after his surgeries.

Now, Giant has a pretty good toy aisle for a grocery store, but it is just one aisle. Since Brennan is less than two (and therefore not a good candidate for most of the big kids' toys), that narrowed my options even more -- but I must have walked that aisle for 10+ minutes before settling on a little rubber firetruck.

Driving home, I still felt very unsettled -- and I realized that my issue was that I wanted this toy to somehow magically take away all the uncertainty and pain in store for tomorrow. I wanted it to make everything all right for Brennan -- and as cool as this firetruck was, it's only going to go so far.

I'm a planner -- to the point of obsession. Ultimately, I plan as a means of taking control of the situation and avoiding problems. But I can't plan my way out of this. Neither cleverness nor hard work can get me out of handing my little boy over to a nurse tomorrow morning as they take him off to an operating room.

So I'm in a pickle. My head knows that God's in control and He loves Brennan very much (even more than I do) -- but my heart and my gut are as twisted as they can get.

So prayers are appreciated tomorrow. Prayers for Brennan, for his surgeons, nurses and anesthesiologists. Prayers for a fantastic outcome. Prayers for quick healing. Prayers that Brennan would not be emotionally scarred by the event. Any and all prayers will be awesome.

Thanks